Map Relief

"Journey Through Dysphoria"

Artist Statement:

I was rather intrigued and confused by the concept of creating map reliefs and how diverse I came to find out that world could be. I grappled for some time with the varying ideas I had in mind because I initially felt that my piece needed to be based on a geographical area to be considered a map relief and then, I had a hard time making sense of what would be the most authentic way to map out something as intangible as feelings.

I finally decided that I wanted to challenge myself to physically represent what gender dysphoria feels like because it is not something that people can see others dealing with. One of the first details I knew was that I wanted to use the outline of a human head and chest as the base to explain that whatever I would be illustrating takes place almost entirely within those confines. So, I found a piece of foam board, drew out the shape, spent days carving it out on a scroll saw in the wood shop, and sanded it down. I also knew that I wanted to use the color blue because it symbolizes my gravitation toward masculinity on the gender spectrum and is also the only color that helped me feel comfortable throughout the past three years of my life. I painted several pieces of paper in different shades of blue paint I had mixed, and I tore them apart into small pieces and layered them starting from the most peaceful color to the deeper and more definitive colors. I layered them so that it would appear as one piece patching up the space where another one ends, but the area of the head covered with these little pieces also speaks to the way in which overthinking and anxiety can cloud a mind. Then, by using a method that some call "ribbon" or "quilling", I created the space on the map that is symbolic of my attempts to present myself as masculine and sometimes tough. It is also symbolic of the way that people see me presenting myself and assume that I am one gender or another. The most difficult part, ironically enough, was finding a way to blend the two sides of the map - what takes place inside my mind and what appears on my exterior. The ripped pieces of paper that are raised represent the steps I have taken to present myself in a way that feels most comfortable, but they also appear to be falling off of the person when it is viewed from the side.

Materials: Polystyrene foam board, paper, acrylic paint, glue

Dimensions: 24" x 20.94" x 2"

Inspiration/research:

Jan Albers